Several months ago I was in the final stages for a great job. 

It was a “should” job. Great pay, great title, big company that would look good on my resume.

I did the big presentation and it was received very well.

Something wasn’t sitting right with me though. 

The next morning I got a call asking me to fly out the following day. I said no, there was no way I could find childcare that fast. They asked again the next week, which happened to be the week of Dreamforce. At that time, Dreamforce was my Super Bowl. I couldn’t miss it.

When we reconnected, I was told I was in the final stages and they wanted to offer. I had some questions.

I said something like this:
I’m a mom first, and I take that seriously. I’ll also be the hardest worker you have. My work will always get done, and I’ll go above and beyond to add value. My kids are young once though, and I want to be here for them as much as I can. I’ll travel, but I don’t want to be gone more than I’m home. How will the culture support this? 

The response I got was, “You chose to be a working mom and these are the sacrifices you have to make. You may just have to choose.”

To be honest, this has happened twice now for two different jobs. Once from a man. Once from a woman. Both parents. “This job cannot be done with that mindset.”  I’m here to say, I’ve done it. 

Listen, I am not asking for special treatment because I am a woman and a mom. These are the priorities I have set for my life and truths I choose for my life. I am meant to work. I like it, it gives me purpose, I am very good at it and I love solving problems. But my entire life is not work. I work to live, to provide a great life for my kids and my family. And without understanding my boundaries, work could easily become the only thing. For some, thats great. For me, not the goal. 

I dwelled on that decision longer than I’d like to admit. Because “should.”

I should take this job. This is what success looks like. This is what climbing the ladder is for. This is what twenty-five-year-old me was chasing.

But should for who? For my mom? She doesn’t even really know what I do. For my reputation? For people on LinkedIn I’ll never actually meet? For my bank account? That part would be nice, but at what cost? For my ego? Definitely. Because it would make me feel big and important.

The “should” never includes the school drop-offs where my son tells me about his first crush or the car rides where my daughter sings an original version of You Are My Sunshine. It doesn’t include dinners with my husband when we’re not exchanging keys at the airport gate (this has happened). Or feeling grounded in my community instead of always being gone.

That’s the life I want to build. Not someday when things slow down - now. You know, “Boss up, Settle Down.”

I want both, and no one is in charge of building a life that allows for that but me. And sometimes that means, redefining “should.”

So, I said, no thank you. 

Be Great,
Sam

P.S. Check out the recap video from the Arcadia Leadership Experience this summer. In response to the event and feedback we also launched a community for senior go-to-market leaders to keep the momentum and conversations going throughout the year.